I know this is a strange topic to start things out with, but it's been on my mind: why do Christian women feel it is necessary to submit to their husbands? I've been with my husband for 5 years (married for almost 2) and this has never even been an issue in our relationship. There's never been a conversation about who is in charge and who needs to be "taken care of" or "led in the right direction". There has always been an air of equality between us that has made our life together very simple and enjoyable.
And so, it perplexes me, why the church continues to push this on every marriage. They make sure you completely understand the "rules" of being married, what your assigned "place" is in said marriage, and what is expected of you. The thing I don't understand is that God made us all very different, with our own strengths and weaknesses, our own likes and dislikes, and, yes, spiritual perspectives. Not one person believes 100% what another does, regardless of what you might think. Eventually, you come across something you disagree upon. And then what does the church tell you to do? Well, if you have a penis, you are correct. If you have a vagina, you're wrong, and must submit to your partner's views. (If you are transgender or gay, you don't even count, but that's another post ENTIRELY. Not getting started on that one today.)
Wouldn't it work out much better if there weren't so many heinous rules and policies? Shouldn't these decisions be left for each couple to make in their own circumstances, without there being that final conversation-ending line from the husband's mouth, "...well, I am the spiritual leader here, and as my wife (whom I love) I expect you to honor that."
Now, a lot of argument on the church's side is that the husband is not complying to his side of the bargain in this instance, which is that he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. But riddle me this, Batman: since when have people EVER been known to be perfect and humble? It's ridiculous to give one person final say, EVERY TIME, based on what's in their pants. Men and women alike eventually abuse any power they are given, no matter how level-headed they are, and regardless of how good their heart is. People are flawed.
They say that one of the reasons a woman should submit to her husband is that it is a test of faith and humility to God. The woman should demonstrate her willingness to humble herself and trust God by doing so for her husband. But why should a woman do so for her husband, and not the other way around? This implies that a man is the gateway to a woman's relationship with God, comparable to the way a Catholic priest is viewed as a "middle man" between God and the people of the church. This puts one person above another, giving a certain "privilege" to that person. Are Christian women really expected to believe that they need a man to prove their faith in God? Why should another person be placed in charge of their own spiritual journey?
Growing up a conservative Christian, I recall being told as a child to ignore people who question certain teachings in the Bible, that they are just evil-doers who are trying to stir things up and send you to hell. This is the defense mechanism that is instilled in all of us when we grow up in the church. Well, I can safely say that I still believe in God and all the teachings of love and acceptance that the Bible has to offer. I am not trying to lead you away from your own faith or send you to hell. But when something doesn't sit right with me, when I feel that pang within myself, I have learned to ask these questions. If it feels wrong, it probably is. This is a golden rule to live by. We must learn not to use our religion or spirituality as a weapon to belittle, degrade, alienate, or discriminate against other people.
A happy, healthy, and loving marriage CAN exist without following the stringent rules of these Bible verses. Some may say that if this is how I live my life, I am not a true Christian. If I don't follow every stinking verse, I am being unfaithful to God. But let me stop you there, because none of us are true Christians if that's the case. No one fits perfectly into the little box assigned to us. I don't have all the answers; hell, I may not have ANY of them. But this is what feels right.
Love.
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